The first time I meditated, I expected it to be a life-changing experience. I thought that once I began, I’d magically turn into Buddha or something. However, my first time meditating was nothing like what I thought it would be. 

Surprise, surprise. 

According to my records, my first time meditating was eight years ago. I don’t think that I referred to it as meditation back then because, in my journal, I see “relaxation ritual.” 

This relaxation ritual was discovered at the beginning of a very spellbinding book that I have yet to finish reading, Modern Magick by Donald Michael Kraig.

I sat down on the floor in my room and shut my eyes. 

I saw a bright white light reminiscent of the entrance to heaven and experienced complete inner bliss.

Just joshin’. (See description below.)

Well, I have a billion thoughts running through my mind. I didn’t think that’s what meditation is…wtf is going on here. This is bullsh*t. I reminded myself that I need to “relax” and continued with the ritual. About two minutes in, I hear my dog relentlessly panting. How the hell can I relax with my dog’s amplified Lamaze breathing? 

After the ritual, I felt disappointed. I didn’t think for a second that I achieved successful relaxation. Feeling slightly peeved after that, I stopped practicing. I hadn’t had a full grasp of the art of meditation, and I was much more impatient of a human than I am today. 

I wish I would’ve stuck to meditation back then because I’d be a pro right now.

What eventually led me back to meditation was yoga. When I first grew accustomed to showing up to my mat, I realized that when I practice, my mind solely focuses on my movement. Making me able to shut off all other thoughts. I remember thinking, hmmm, my yoga practice seems to be a moving meditation for me. Then I thought about Shavasana, and I was like, yep, here I am, experiencing another shot at practicing meditation and beating insomnia, all in one.

Upon realizing that yoga is a nourishing form of moving meditation, I wanted to be able to sit in stillness. So, I started by downloading the Headspace app. I don’t remember how I first learned about Headspace, but if you want to hear the no-frills basics of meditation and start with guided sessions led by a soothing male British voice, this app is perfect for you. 

I’d use Headspace and start with five-minute sessions. After my free trial with Headspace was over, I didn’t want to pay for the full app. So, I looked to my dear friend, YouTube. YouTube has an abundance of meditation-videos, either guided or music only. Shout-out to Boho Beautiful (read a quick summary about them here in my article, YouTube Yoga at Home) and their guided meditation videos that bring an abundance of peaceful vibes.

For my last year’s birthday celebration, I went to the one of my favorite places, the spa. In one of the rooms of the spa I saw a quote about meditation that explained it for me in a way that it finally clicked. 

With meditation, I found a ledge above the waterfall of my thoughts. 

Mary Pipher

Since one of my first “relaxation rituals,” a.k.a. meditation, I realize that it’s alright if I have a lot of thoughts either when meditating or not. I’ve also realized that I can’t become like my man Buddha overnight. Training the mind takes time. 

So, I will continue to meditate to build a clearer and calmer headspace. Perhaps someday in this lifetime, I will reach enlightenment. If not, that’s cool too, but it would be pretty badas$ if that day is waiting for me in this lifetime. I look forward to it regardless of when it will come to me! Although maybe parts of the process have already come to me at one time or another. Mindblown. I’ll keep you updated on my Buddha chronicles.

Any who, I’ll meditate.

If it’s your first time meditating, it’s okay if your mind is still racing. It’s totally cool if your leg falls asleep after five minutes, although maybe you should change positioning. It’s also okay if you don’t get much out of it, and you’re annoyed at first. I’d say, please don’t give up, keep practicing, be disciplined, and I hope you reap some spiritually gangster rewards! XoXo,

Mandy