I thought I was being kind 

But something was off 

Because why was all that dirt polluting my mind? 

I thought it was good to be nice…

I didn’t realize genuine kindness would suffice,

rather than keeping my mouth shut to keep the peace.

I’m deeply grateful for the karma police. 

Some would mention how nice I was, like it was so good.

God damn, was that misunderstood. 

There is a vast difference between being nice and being a doormat.

I had all sorts of gravel and shit kicked up in my atmosphere when it never should’ve been there. 

I send a hearty fuck you to any who took advantage of this misunderstood definition of kindness. 

I didn’t know shit about boundaries.

I had to teach myself.

So, I built a Great Wall.

If you violate the new terms, expect a fall.

It’s a fall from my life because I’ve dealt with so much. 

I don’t care how much you choose to crawl. 

Luckily, I can now discern the real ones from the fake.

You find this out after epic heartbreak. 

The days of me being a doormat are dead.

You won’t find that version of me unless you travel into the past. 

You will never ever again catch me putting myself last. 

I look into my past and gasp.

So much of what I see isn’t pretty; it’s a downright mess. 

I understand how I got there and it’s led me to be my very best. 

I’ve spent days and nights mourning a version of me who didn’t know better. 

You didn’t know Amanda, it’s okay. 

Yet it’s tough to keep that angst at bay. 

The angst of not realizing so much because of how shattered you felt. 

Is one hand I’ve been dealt.

Yet I keep pushing on because what else can I do? 

I know one thing’s for sure.

I will never again roll out as that doormat, appeasing toxicity left and right. 

I AM THE SUN & WILL FOREVER RISE FROM THE NIGHT.🔥